XV | Good Boy

I already know this is going to be incredibly difficult for me to write. The memories are all coming back to me at once… You’ve nearly got me tearing up as I’m trying to write about you already, you little shit. 

I didn’t plan on writing about you, this idea quite literally came to me about five minutes ago. But you deserve to be written about because… because you make me sad in a beautiful way.

You’ve been gone for 5 ½ years now, and you still have the ability to make me cry when you’re not with me. As I try to write this, I now know that for certain. It’s no different to when I’d be a part of a family holiday at the beach years ago when we wouldn’t take you. On the first night of the holiday there would be a little boy crying in his bed at night because his best friend wasn’t with him. It’s funny… I was talking to someone recently about how I feel as though I don’t really know how to cry anymore, with the exception of the thought of one thing being able to do so. A certain Fox Terrier/Jack Russell X.

I’ve been wanting to talk about trying to find real strength and tenacity through fitness and physical activity, and how I want that to translate into other aspects of life. I’ve tried writing about this several times recently, but I never liked how they were written. I think it’s because I haven’t found what I’m looking for yet, despite getting small tastes of it. 

It’s interesting because in this entry I’m still going to be talking about strength and tenacity. Why do I find myself being inspired by you? You may be just a dog, but an even better friend - Hubble.

  Hubble had the incredible ability of making almost anyone fall in love with him, and with that he was also very loyal. This little guy was my shadow. If I was sitting on the couch, he’d snuggle right up next to me. If there wasn’t room, he’d jump on top of the couch and wrap his head around my neck. He made sure that he slept in bed with me for years, right up until I left home. He made it clear that he loved me, just as I did with him by giving him cuddles and belly rubs that he endlessly requested. Three years before he passed away, I gave him to my Nana and Pops. I had already left home a year before doing this, and I think it was definitely a good decision for everyone involved. When Hubble first arrived there, he was forced to sleep outside. This wasn’t a good idea for two reasons. One, at that point he would have been an 11 year old dog who never slept outside before. Two, and this is probably his only “bad” trait, but he wouldn’t shut the fuck up if he was left alone. Though, Hubble definitely was aware of his charm and knew what he was doing because this didn’t last long at all. Each time I would come to visit Nana and Pops every few months or so, I could see the grasp Hubble quickly had over them. After the failure of sleeping outside, Hubble soon graduated to sleeping on a little bed in the lounge. Soon after that, he somehow wormed his way into sleeping on the floor in Nana and Pops’ room. Before finally, somehow finding himself sleeping in their bed. Hubble was always a fit and slim dog too. But boy, did he gain a belly thanks to Nana! I’m glad he got to live his final years with them, as I’m sure they are too. I’ll never forget when I visited home for the first time since leaving for University. I had been away for two months, and I don’t think I was ever away from Hubble for more than ten days before. So I knew he would lose his shit. Mum and I were driving up the driveway and I could see him waiting behind the shut gate. I got out of the car as Mum opened the gate for him, and his reaction was almost unexpected. He looked quite puzzled and unsure as he was slowly walking towards me. Which was definitely new to me, as he normally would run up and start jumping at me in excitement. The expression on his face definitely screamed “is it really you?”. He probably thought I was never coming back for him! Once he overcame the feeling of disbelief, he went ape-shit and started bouncing around. I did not leave his sight while I was back for this brief time. This was quite a funny and heart-warming memory. If you’re ever unsure what love really is, get a friend like Hubble. Someone who makes sure that you know you are loved, and is someone who knows that he is loved.

  The old man always referred to Hubble as “Houdini”, and rightly so. The little prick could not be caged. The first sign of his talent came about before he was even a year old, and how he didn’t die - I have no idea. When he was a pup, we would leave Hubble in the house whenever we’d leave the house. One day we came home, drove into the driveway where he welcomed us from the outside of the house. We knew that we shut him inside, all the doors were shut, all the windows were shut - except for one on the second story of the house. Hubble was known to be an incredible jumper, being capable of jumping above my 8 year-old self's shoulders. I ain’t even shitting you. So we knew he could jump that high. But if he jumped out of this window, which we ruled to be the only point of escape, he would have had to jump out of the bathroom window in the second story of the house and on to part of the first story’s roof, before descending down the roof then jumping roughly 2.5 meters off it!  At some point over the years kennels began to get used for Hubble while we were out. I imagine that we didn’t want to leave him inside as he got older, and if we left him outside uncontained he would try to chase our car down the dangerous countryside gravel road we lived on. Hubbs quickly found out how to escape the prison we gave to him. Again though, we originally had no idea how the fuck he did it. We used to come home and find him chilling in the driveway waiting for us while poor Minnie was still locked inside the kennel! Turned out there was this 100x1000mm-ish gap between two bars below the roof of the kennel that he somehow would worm his way through. A dog even of his size shouldn’t physically be able to get through, but Hubble being Hubble - of course defied the law of physics. Once we blocked that opening off, he’d simply chew through the wires of the kennel over time to make a hole big enough for him to escape through. It wasn’t a surprise that he needed all his teeth removed before he died. He couldn’t even be contained at boarding kennels. The place we used to leave him at while we’d be on a holiday had to restructure their kennels because of him. Sometimes Hubble and Minnie would be in these large outdoor kennels during the day. The cages are probably structured to about 7ft high, however - they had no ceiling. This. This is when I knew my dog was fucking insane. Not only was Hubbs known to be incredible at jumping, but he was also quite the skilled climber apparently. He would use his claws to scale up this caged wall, and somehow not hurt himself jumping from the top of the cage and on to the ground. Thinking that this would solve this problem, the owners clipped his claws - this however solved nothing. Hubble would instead use the gaps between his paws to scale above the cage. Now I’m here scratching my head wondering if he actually knew how to climb down the other side of the cage, or if he just completely ate shit from falling from the top every time he did it! I remember the owner saying he was once doing some work at the front of the boarding kennel car park, which is also beside a very busy road. He said that he shat himself because Hubble came from out of nowhere and greeted him. Once the owners realized what Hubble was doing, they had to “Hubble-proof” all of the large outside kennels. I think that put a rest to Hubble's escaping antics, but I do recall hearing other stories about him trying to escape in different ways. Should have named the little prick Dufresne. He hated being contained, but I think more than anything he just hated being alone (and being stuck with Minnie). When I was a kid I was always just amazed by him, and thought he was just crazy. But in reality, he had a massive heart and he never gave up when he wanted something badly.

  Hubble loved life. He loved being taken out for adventures, but he loved nothing more than being around the ocean. He absolutely loved going to the beach. He wasn’t the type of dog who needed a lead too, it was great taking him out. I’d throw tennis balls a lot for him, where I swear he never got worn out. As I got older and taller, I also developed into quite a decent sprinter. With Hubble being fast, I would goad him into racing me along the beach. He used to whoop my ass when I was little, but I did get closer and closer to him as I became an adult - though I never did beat him. Hubble loved going out on the boat too, he was definitely more of a keen fisherman than I ever was. Most of the time he would sleep in the cabin at the front of the boat. When he wasn’t sleeping, he’d come out, jump on top of the ice box, and place his two front paws on the side of the boat so that he could get a good look at what’s going on with the sea. I always loved watching him do that. It was like he was genuinely taking in what he was seeing. It’s funny because Hubble has seen more Marlin be caught on the boat than me, to this day I’ve never actually seen one be caught - despite fishing for them a decent amount of times throughout my life so far. It actually became a bit of a joke. Hubble was definitely a dog of the sea.

 I think it was around August 2018 when I found out that he had cancer. He was a grizzly little old man with no teeth by this point, his time was coming up. I remember being shocked by the news, but also accepted the situation and knew it was something I’d have to cope with at some point around this time. I drove up from Wellington and saw him towards the end of August. I went to give him attention as he was laid down by the fireplace in the lounge. I laid down with him, and I could already tell that he didn’t have much longer left at all. His breathing was off, his eyes were empty, it was as if he couldn’t even see me. It's like he was already gone. It was then that I knew that this was the last time I was ever going to see him, and I felt so sorry for him being in this state. Realizing this, I had a complete breakdown and my tears had poured all over him while Nana and Pops were watching behind me. My best friend is gone forever. He died two weeks later on 12/09/2018. Rum had become my temporary best friend when I found out. I was 8 years old when I picked him from a litter in Ngaruawahia. Between him and his brothers and sisters, he was the only one of the litter to have orange features on top of the black and white - that was the reason why I chose him, definitely a little boy's reasoning. I’m so glad that the little boy chose the little ginger spotted dog to be his best friend, it was possibly the best decision he ever made for himself. I was 22 years old when he died. Over five years later and he still visits me in my dreams consistently. As someone who doesn’t have any conscious influence over his dreams, I appreciate this very much. Goes to show how much I love you, you little bastard.

  I’m amazed at how much this little guy has taught me over the years. He taught me not to think things like “it’s just a dog” or “it’s just a cat”. I’ve always loved animals, but I learned to love them even more thanks to Hubbs. They aren’t any more or any less than what I am. So many different characters among them all, it truly makes you realize how underwhelming most of the human population are compared to animals! If there’s a room full of people with a dog present, you can bet your ass I ain’t talking to anyone and am giving the dog my full, undivided attention. Hubble taught me a lot about love and loyalty, I’ve already mentioned what he was like earlier. But let me tell you, if I ever meet the love of my life one day I’d almost want to feel loved the same way Hubble made me feel loved, and vice-versa. Hopefully she requires less belly rubs than Hubbs requested though! Above all else, it’s Hubble's tenacity and willpower that truly inspires me. As someone who’s on a quest for greater strength, there’s probably no greater inspiration than the little dog who refused to be caged. What sort of fucking nutter climbs a big ass cage with the inside of his paws and continuously lived to tell the story?! My nutter dog apparently did! I’ve got some great challenges ahead of me this year, and I’m going to need the same mongrel that Hubble had to get through it all. I even can't believe what I'm saying about a dog myself, but that's type of character Hubble was - he was so much more than just a dog.

I’ll always know that you are running with me, my friend.

Thank you.