XVI | Chasing Glory

  Yesterday I completed the 2024 Brighton Marathon. Emotions are still all over the show, in a good way. I've always wanted to run a marathon ever since both my parents ran the Auckland Marathon on separate occasions when I was a teenager, but I never thought I would actually do it. Last November I spontaneously decided that it was time to register for a marathon, and raise money towards mental health support. Knowing the amount of people who've been given suffering and trauma that they've never asked for or deserved, I realised that I had to do something - even if it doesn't help those in my mind directly. I originally applied for the London Marathon, but I was unsurprisingly too late to register and didn't want to wait until 2025. Thus, I looked about for an alternative and managed to secure a charity spot and registered for the Brighton Marathon set on April 7th 2024.

Although I registered in November, I wasn't serious about training until January. I didn't see the point in going too crazy with training so close to the festive season, not to mention the race was still over 5 months away at that point. Until then I just was smashing pb's for 5km and 10km runs - where I achieved greater times than I originally had in mind. Word of advice - if you want pb's for your runs, make sure to go when you're in a foul mood about something! My greatest work always came about when I was pissed off about something (although I am very rarely pissed off about something). January came about, so training started to become more serious and regular. Apparently you're meant to train for four months to prepare for a marathon, but seeing as I'm a runner anyway - I saw three months as more than enough time. Unfortunately after the first week of January I had started getting constant bad headaches, ironically starting in the midst of a 15km run. It felt as though my head was bouncing and I felt really out of it for a brief moment. I continued to finish that run, probably was a dumb idea in hindsight. After this I was bedridden for nearly two weeks. It felt very similar to the concussion symptoms I experienced during the first half of 2023. Did I somehow concuss myself during my run? That would be something, I thought. Doctors were of no help, even after I told them about what I dealt with in 2023. "Come back in four weeks if that pain is still there." Seriously?! It had been nearly a month, and while I was slowly improving - I still wasn't good with physical activity. I kept thinking to myself, what if it isn't actually my head causing the issues? It's quite bizarre for my brain to just shit itself without direct contact to it. What if it's something to do with my neck and/or back? Determined to get this issue sorted I took up yoga, booked full back and neck massages, and very quickly noticed a difference with my head. All of these practices did reveal how jacked up and tense my neck and back were. I didn't even notice the pain they were in because of how great of a pain my head was in. But it did turn out that that's what caused the great amount of pressure in my head! Makes me wonder if this effected my actual concussion last year... 

Training resumed around mid-February, six weeks away from the Brighton Marathon. To say I was stressed was an understatement as I was basically back to square one in terms of strength and fitness. I was probably running around 30-40kms per week to begin with. Until the last few weeks where it turned into 50-65kms per week. I seemed to always peak around the half-marathon distance, which was frustrating. I think I did three half-marathons across three weekends before I realised that something needed to change because I would be absolutely drained of energy by the end of those runs, not to mention I barely ever hydrated. I started to ask friends for advice and do research on what to do about these energy problems, and they were a big help. Diet is a big one, and obviously hydrating, but the biggest thing I learned was how important it was to replenish energy during runs. Sweets and lollies are a helpful boost, but I found great help through using gels - where I learned to consume a packet every 5km or so. Once I started doing that, all of a sudden I was nowhere near as gassed at the half-marathon point. Leading in to the marathon day the only struggle I really had were pains in my right knee once I sorted the energy issue out. I'd usually be in pain for an entire run, but I'd really start struggling with my right knee after 20kms. Since February I managed to run a tonne of 10-15km runs, about four half-marathons, one 26km run, and one 30km the week before the big 42km. I didn't want to run a distance close to that of a marathon before attempting the actual marathon. I wanted to keep that doubt within myself. I always knew with my training that I could do it, but I wanted the nerves to stay with me right until the end. They say if you can run 30km you should be good for a marathon, so I made sure I could do that not long before the big day. 

The marathon event itself was great. The weather was spectacular in England (for a bloody change), to the point where I actually got quite sunburnt. I fear that my New Zealander skin has shed because I've never been burnt over here before! Brighton itself is a cool city, running a long much of the coast was great too. I didn't bother looking at the marathon map at all before the run as I wanted to be surprised, so I was pleased at the amount of the coastline we got to run through on the day. The amount of support in the city was awesome too. Thousands of spectators came out to support the runners, and many were offering sweets, oranges, you name it. I must have high-fived about 100 kids a long the way too, which was pretty cool - they always looked chuffed. Some of them had created signs saying things like "hi-five for strength boost", it actually was encouraging during the later stages of the race. My nerd-brain viewed it like Goku gathering energy from the universe for his Spirit Bomb. The atmosphere was just amazing overall, I'm curious to see how it compares to other marathons. 

With my own performance, and I say this being my harshest critic, I will say that it was mostly good with it being my first ever marathon run. I started off really well, with my pace set within the first 25km I was projected to get a 3:20ish marathon time. Then out of nowhere, my lower back was really giving me issues. The more I ran, the worse the pain got - it was seizing right through my body as I was moving. I'm used to knee issues, which is what I was expecting during this race and I could handle that. But with my back, I didn't know how to handle it or ease the pain. My back hadn't been an issue with my running for quite some time, so I didn't even consider to anticipate this. I had to walk every now and then for about 50 metres before resuming my run for another kilometre or so. Because of that, after the 27km mark - my pace really dropped. I was quite disheartened about having to walk every now and then, despite loads of other people having to as well. But from my perspective throughout my training, it was always "if you need to walk, you're done". Not to mention, knowing that I still had 17km to go after the back pain I was having - it made things tough for me mentally. I never considered throwing in the towel, or even walk the rest of the way, but to say that this curveball made things more interesting for me is an understatement. My big goal for this marathon was simply just to survive considering the little amount of training I had. But if I were to reveal my real goals, I did want to finish this marathon around the 3:40-3:50 mark. I would have also been very happy to finish at 4 hours. I realised as I got past the 33km stage that I was very likely to no longer finish the race under 4 hours any more. I accepted that, considering the circumstances surrounding my back - I just wanted to finish the fucking thing! By the time I got to the 37km mark, I looked at Strava for the first time since the beginning and did the math in my head where I realised that I could still possibly get under 4 hours if I started to push just that little bit more, even if the pace barely improves. During the final 4kms there was this one bloke who ran past me as I stopped to walk briefly, he patted my shoulder and encouraged me to keep running. Motherfucker. Good bugger for encouraging me, but the way I saw this at the time was that he just unintentionally challenged my already-damaged ego. I needed a bit of a kick up the ass like this to give me a boost. I'm going to make sure that I keep up with you, and towards the end - I will beat you. He was in my sight for the rest of the race, even when I walked several times - I made sure I went as fast as I could each time I ran again and got right back to where he was. I did beat him. That little challenge I made for myself really helped me push through in the end

In the end, my final time was 4:01:33. If I'm being nit-picky, that 93 seconds beyond the 4 hour mark does bother me, but honestly - I will say that I'm proud of myself. Finishing this run compared to achieving great distances in the past felt very different. When I did a half marathon distance for the first time a couple years back, I was on absolute cloud-nine for the next day or two. The same when I ran 30km for the first time just a week ago. But this, when I finished running in this event - it was just pure relief. I fucking did it. I survived - despite the pain I had to go through during the later stages of the race. This - is what I wanted. I wanted this fight, I wanted this pain - and I fucking won. I still can't believe that I can say that I've run a marathon now.

Do I want more though?

During the race I kept thinking "you only have to do this once if you want to, you know", "you never have to do this again after today", "stuff doing this again!". Granted, those were the thoughts that were coming from a painful and desperate place. But I have to do more things like this. With the marathon, and even more so the training for it, it has all made me realise how important it is to do hard things regularly. Things where you think "bugger that, I can't do that! That's insane!". All this difficult training has done wonders for me - even beyond the physical side of things. Doing these hard things gives you a boost across multiple areas in life. My confidence is naturally better than it's ever been, my focus is much sharper, I just feel like I carry myself with much more pride on my name now. Even at my shitty job, I noticed the difference in my work ethic and the way I look at things in recent times. I even started telling others what to do and giving my thoughts to management on what we can do better, and by no means am I an authority figure of any kind nor am I the bossy or suggestive type. One of the managers has mentioned frequently how much of a key player I've become for the company. I'm telling you all this because this is all very unlike me. I've never shown leadership in any sense across my lifetime. I normally just keep my head down, don't say boo half the time, and truck on with things. I can't stop doing these hard things. Doing hard things is crucial if you want to evolve. I don't know what challenge I'll seek next just yet. Don Laing wants me to run 100kms with him and Vanessa along the Jurassic Coast in October though! After doing that marathon, I must be bloody mad to want to do something like that. But when he asked if I wanted to join them last month in Bournemouth, My initial answer was yes without hesitation because I was so excited at the thought. God knows why! I am trying to get my life in order before truly committing to such a thing, but an Ultra-Marathon would be a true test of wills. Right now, I need a bloody holiday before anything else! I might look at living somewhere else too... but where...

All I know is, I feel pretty damn good after smashing this big challenge, and raising $2400NZD for mental health while I was at it. Looking forward to even bigger challenges in the future.